I remember the first time I expressed my thoughts through writing because I had difficulty expressing what I felt and like no one was listening to me then. The reason I first fell in love with writing was because of reading — reading other people’s thoughts through writing made me feel heard. Those moments still linger in my memory, it started when I was bullied in elementary school, that’s when I felt like my head was messed up. Not long after receiving this treatment, I bought a daily notebook with a lock (in the hope that no one could open it).
Unfortunately, my guess was wrong, bullies always find a way to make their targets feel destroyed in their lives. They had tried to break the lock on my diary and read the contents and then make fun of it in front of many other people. As an 8-year-old child at that time, I felt livid when my privacy was invaded, maybe they felt my silence was a defeat for their weakness and instead tried another way to show their vile behavior. Ever since I no longer wanted to write in a diary, instead just put it together in my head. Silence was the weapon I had at that time, and from there I realized that silence has its power when used at the right time. But anyway, I will not discuss the power of silence in-depth and will discuss it later in another section.
Several years later, I tried to accept all forms of bullying as part of God’s plan to shape me into a better person, there will always be a lesson in the end. One important thing to remember is that bullying is not something that can be normalized, perhaps for those who were children at that time, it was just considered a normal thing to do. But it is different for those who are victims, it will leave an impression on their memories and change their view of humans. What makes me wonder when I get bullied is how the perpetrators were raised in their homes — were they not happy enough? were their movements restricted? or did their parents teach them to behave that way? Surely, this is a big note to think about for those who want and will become parents.
Let’s go back to talking about my writing journey…
After a long time just focusing on studying and school exams, it turns out that nothing can stop my love for writing. I started writing again on the scattered pieces of paper, whether it was poetry, short stories, or just how I felt about a certain incident. Then since entering college, I started compiling my writings through this platform and am now entering its 5th year. I discover a lot of myself through writing — about how I change from one character to another, about how I overcome a problem, and the favorite part is when I can appreciate everything that is happening in my life. Oh, I just fell in love with the writing and all the nitty-gritty stuff.
The biggest reason I write is not for other people to read, but fortunately, I have friends who sometimes read my writing and give positive feedback. One thing that made me reflect was when some of my friends asked me what was my reason for writing and what would I do with my writing. Oh, I love those questions. What I thought of as an answer at that time was that I said that my writings were a reflection of myself. When needed, I will look back at them and use them as a reference for moving forward in life. I also use my writing as a reflection of how far I have come, how I was shaped by thousands of problems, and how I am grateful for the infinite blessings I have received.
Several people who I know closely or not, have given me the courage to write a book and they said they would be happy to read it. What has been said makes me remember my dream when I was in high school, I once muttered to myself to be able to create a fiction book before I was 25th years old. Praise be to Allah who has made my dream come true in the best way, even though I ultimately have the opportunity to write an academic book which is a work of non-fiction, I am still grateful to have the chance to do that.
To end this section, I want to thank everyone who has appreciated, criticized, and read my writings so far. I will use all of this as provisions to continue learning and processing to become a better and more useful human being. As the saying goes, “Indeed, it is unfortunate for those who are unable to guard their tongues, like a knife that will cut anyone who is not good at using it.”
— and this is me who will always keenly try to learn and sort out words through my writings.
