What’s done is done

Beau papillon
3 min readApr 4, 2023

It’s one of my favorite excerpts from Kafka on the Shore

There are so many decisions in life that i still try not to regret.
Going through many emotions, such as sadness, happiness, anger, doubt, and thousands of other feelings that ultimately shaped me as who i am today.
The younger me was no longer scared to face life and all the roller coasters in it. Life felt easier when you were no longer alive and lost in endless thoughts that didn't really matter.

I recently stopped writing for almost a year due to a lot of self-doubt. And now i have embraced that feeling as part of being human.

Life is a series of stories that are sometimes full of plot twists, like when i continued my master's degree. I thought that this wasn't really the plan i wanted after graduating from undergraduate. Turned out, after i opened my daily journal a few years ago, I had written that i wanted to continue my master's degree yet abroad.

But it's totally okay! Life isn't what we always want.
Sometimes, we just need to accept it and do the best we can while making further plans. That's happens sometimes, right?

The funny part of it is how God grants what i've written (and almost forgot). Even when i haven't prepared anything, God has recorded and fulfilled my hopes at the best time and way according to Him.
So i learned that we have to be more careful with our words and desires. Because without realizing it, they become prayers that God will fulfill one day.
I've always believed in process. When it takes months to savor a decision that i inevitably have to accept, I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people who are always there to support me. I hope life brings good fate in their lives.

For the time being, after everything i've been through, I'm starting to ask myself "What's the plan after it's all over?"
Most likely i already know the answer, and it just takes time and process to get to the point where i want to go.
To get back to the question, I've always been afraid to start something new. But we will never grow if we just stay in one place and don't get move anywhere.

There are a lot of messy things in my head that sometimes i just want to write down, so it becomes more arranged.

After completing my masters studies, i realized more and more that i was just pieces of a puzzle trying to put each piece together into a more purposeful form.
The things that calms me down is knowing that the creation of man itself is something precious.

Sometimes, i blame myself when someone hurts me. Looking back at that situation, I learned that it was the thing that broadened my perspective. I also made mistakes unintentionally, so i tried to forgive them the way i want to be forgiven.

I love analogies like a flower that will bloom beautifully when it is in a good environment for itself. Likewise humans, they will shine when the environment around them support them to be able to see their best potential.

Behind it all, my words were just a bunch of naive thoughts. One size doesn't fit all.

I’m just trying not to regret anything that i’ve been through. Because what is destined for us will never miss us. We need to be patient to understand why it all happened in our lives.

May we continue to spread kindness whoever we are, as we are manifestations of God’s name. 🤝🏻✨️

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Beau papillon

The expressions I write reflect the intricate thoughts coursing through my mind, destined to resurface and materialize before me as vividly portrayed characters